I made a resolution this year to grow up and be an actual adult this year, the plan was to phase out the geeky t-shirts, stop wasting my money on silly little things that I didn’t really need and to start saving some money, essentially try and conform to my perception of how a 31 year old (at the time) should behave. The rationale behind this decision was based on a number of people making comments like “you need to grow up and act your age” or “this is why you don’t have a girlfriend” and my own preconception of how and adult should behave.
I put this down to the arsehole part of my brain that tries it’s very hardest to absolutely fuck me over, you know the kind of thing where you’re in an specially serious situation and you happen to remember something incredibly funny or when you need to be up early for something specific so decide to have an early night but your brain decides that’s the perfect time for an existential crisis and you end up getting even less sleep than you normally do, essentially that part of my brain is something I could expand on and maybe I will one day but for now you get the idea.
The attempt started with the purchase of a number of polo shirts as while work has a dress down policy which has just come in, meaning I could wear t-shirts if I wanted, as I wanted to look reasonably reasonably smart just in case my department decided to rescind the choice to dress more casually as people were abusing it and looking absolute bags of shite. I also basically stopped watching cartoons, stopped buying geeky t-shirts and other things and basically started buying plain t-shirts, opening a savings account and starting a standing order.
The upshot of this was quite a few people asking me if everything was alright as they were concerned about the change and commenting that I seemed less happy than I had been, and to be honest I was but scumbag brain had essentially convinced me that this was was entirely normal and how adults felt, and I was also running myself into the ground at work as I thought that was the responsible thing to do. For a semi intelligent man I can be remarkably stupid at times.
The turning point came when the Lego website did an offer where they gave away a Lego Darth Revan mini figure with a specific purchase, as a huge fan of Knights of the Old Republic (in which Revan was a significant character) I basically had to have it so I made the order and when it turned up and I had built everything I realised that I was happier just doing being a giant kid.
With this revelation in mind I’ve basically embraced the life of a manchild/geek and bought the t-shirts I’ve wanted and the Lego sets, games, books, films and comics I’ve wanted and just really embraced the geeky part of me as it’s something that makes me happy and I have a large number of friends that don’t just tolerate that side of me but actively embrace it. I have kept the savings accounts and the money going in though, baby steps and all that.
I’m come to the conclusion that rather than focusing on conforming to an idea of how I should act and what I should be doing I’m just going to concentrate on being the best possible version of myself. I figure providing that you’re happy in yourself and you’ve surrounded yourself with people that are a positive influence in your life then the rest will click into place and by just doing what makes me happy and trying my best to improve my friends lives a little, even if it’s just them being amused at my fuckwittery, then that’s got to be good for my karma. In fact I think the following two images sum up things nicely…