Turns out dating is a ballache, who knew!

So this piece is going to be about my most recent dating experience. To give some context I don’t date a lot at all, this is due to a great many factors. The main ones being the fact that I’m super fucking socially awkward, which when added to a complete inability to pick up on hints as whether someone likes me and the fact that I’m utterly bloody terrified to ask someone out for fear of rejection. These bastard things aren’t exactly ideal for getting as far as an actual date. I’ve had some dates over the years, most have been pleasant but there’s just just been no spark on either side, others have gone pretty well at the time but just not gone anywhere for whatever reason. One was pretty bad as to this day I’m not sure why the lady turned up as she was planning on moving away with a month or two anyway, though in some respects it was quite fun as a result as we both had a laugh due to zero fucks being given at that point. With that being said this latest one was nothing short of a clusterfuck.


A couple of months ago I met a young lady, I won’t go into the whereabouts of said meeting but we got to chatting and she gave me her number so as to continue chatting. I’m no expert on such things so I asked a few friends who said that it was quite a big deal, and so it came to pass when she made it clear she was interested in me after a few days of messaging each other. With this in mind we arranged to go out, she suggested cinema which I’m always up for. Now during the conversations we’d had at this point it’d become clear she was very upfront which to be honest I found refreshing as it meant that I wasn’t having to try and guess what the hell was going on a lot of the time. This, sadly, is pretty standard dating protocol for me as I’m terrible at picking up on hints. I’d also mentioned that I had a number of female friends who I was quite close with, just to try and avoid any issues as this has caused problems historically, but I was informed that wasn’t an issue as she didn’t play games and get jealous.


Anyway the first date went splendidly, the film was average but fun and the conversations before and after the film were enjoyable too. I didn’t feel overly shy or awkward which is a huge upside for me as I find very easy to start second guessing myself in a conversation with anyone. It would appear she agreed as she was keen to meet up again and do something, which was a pleasant thing to be told. We arranged a couple of dates that had to be cancelled for a few different reasons before agreeing on one which worked for both of us. After discussions the basic plan was was to go and get dinner then head over to the cinema and watch Guardians of the Galaxy 2. I’d suggested dinner as figured it’d be good to have a date where we could have a good old chat, she suggested the cinema as she knew how excited I was to see the film so it seemed ideal all in all. I got the cinema and table booked early to be safe and we just continued chatting away over the course of the week. We left it the night before that she’d message me about when she’d be ready to be picked up and we’d go from there.


The day came about and didn’t hear anything from her while was at work and got home and didn’t hear anything from her when I got home so the immediate thought was that she’d decided she didn’t fancy going anymore, so dropped a message just to check in and didn’t hear anything back for a while. it got to 10 minutes before the table was booked for and got a Facebook message to let me know that her phone had been broken all day. Fair comment I thought but meant that we wouldn’t make the table booking so we decided to go for a drink beforehand, and after phoning the restaurant to cancel the table I went and picked her up. We got to the bar and she ordered a cocktail and I ordered a pint and we had a good old chat as time passed. We finished our drinks and she decided that she wanted another cocktail, bearing in mind neither of us had eaten anything. At this point I start to get a bit anxious as we’re getting nearer the film start time, which I know is never when it starts, on the plus side it meant missing the adverts but on the negative side it meant missing the trailers for all the new films which is always an enjoyable part of the whole film going experience. I squared this away in my head and just carried on chatting until she finished her drink.


At this point we wandered over to the cinema, I decided against a drink after the pint as I didn’t want to risk needing the toilet during the film. She on the motherhood decided to get 2 or 3 cans of those ready mixed cans of vodka so we had to queue while she got them. We got into the screen and it turned out that we’d missed the first 15 minutes of the film (and as it turned out on later viewings those 15 minutes were superb, we had to disturb people in order to find our seat and it’s at this point where I started to feel a little annoyed and this feeling was only going to get worse. The film went by, it was as enjoyable as expected and no real drama through it barring that she went to get more alcohol to drink. Got to the end of the film and the credits started and she wanted to leave right away, meaning missing the credit scenes. I didn’t want to leave straight away as these scenes are part of the experience if you’re a fan, which she knew I was as she suggested the film on this basis. We left in the end at her insistence but it’d put my back up even more as I didn’t feel like it took what I wanted into consideration at all.


Once we got out she wanted to go and get another drink so we went to a bar that was due to have last orders in about 5 minutes. she ordered a double gin and tonic and a double vodka and cranberry juice, I had a coke due to the fact that I was driving. At this point she was really quite drunk and was getting louder and more opinionated, I get that it was potentially nerves that made her drink as much as she did, hell I had been nervous at the start of the night too, but I was starting to not feel hugely comfortable with how she was acting. It started pleasantly enough, we were chatting and she asked me how my week had been and what I’d been upto with my evenings. I mentioned that I’d been to dinner with an old friend and that we’d had a good laugh, this friend happened to be female and at this point I was told that we couldn’t be friends as that wasn’t possible as one person always wanted more. She proceeded to call me stupid and naive and that I needed to wake the fuck up to what was happening, she also proceed to try and get the barmaid onboard with her way of thinking, and bless this poor girl for trying to be diplomatic.


I explained that I’d known my friend 15 years and that I’d been to her wedding and met her child, confirming that she was happily married. The barmaid was of the same opinion as me that this wasn’t a big deal. I mentioned that she’d said about not getting jealous to which she responded that she’d lied, At this point I started to feel super awkward as I just didn’t know what to say in response to the outburst. She calmed down and we defaulted to small talk about politics and the like, you know safe topics. In my head though I was incredibly pissed off as I’d made it clear early on that I had female friends and that they were literally just friends. I’ve worked damn hard at my friendships over the years and I’m not going to be made to feel shitty about them by anyone. And I’m also pissed off at the fact that I’d explained that the ladies I’d been involved with on a serious level in the past had been basically toxic and had made me feel bad about myself and here she was doing the exact same thing. To me though this was worse than the previous times as she knew going how anxious I was as I’d explained it all to her.


Anyway the bar eventually kicked us out as they wanted to close and go home so I drove her home, though we stopped at a petrol station so she could get more booze. Once we got back we parked up and carried on chatting, where she started to question some of my other friendships with women, to which I just said that they were friends and explained that I’d had similar experiences with depressions with some of them and other things like that in common which is why these friendships had grown and that there was nothing going on beyond that. She seemed to accept this but then started asking how I’d feel if she had friendships with blokes, to which I merely pointed out that I’d be fine with it as based on interactions we’d had I had no reason to mistrust her. And I mean really, while I don’t always act it I’m basically a fucking adult. She then making comments about having slept with some of these friends, though she immediately followed this up by saying she was joking though at that point I was sort of sat there wondering what the fuck was happening.


It got to 1:30 in the morning and I was starting to feel tired as I’d been sleeping pretty badly all week so said I was going to head home as I needed sleep. She some how managed to get pissy about this though did calm down when I emphasised how tired I was so I headed home. Got straight into bed still wondering just what in the name of all that’s holy had transpired over the course of the evening. Got up the next day to a message saying that she’d had a great evening which was just utterly mind blowing as it raised the question of whether she was even on the same date. I politely explained that I’d not had quite such an enjoyable time and that she’d said some incredibly hurtful things to me for which she apologised as turns out she couldn’t remember much due to her being rather drunk, which was a shocking revelation I don’t mind telling you. Anyway after some chatting it was decided that we’d possibly moves things to quickly and to maybe be friends initially and that we’d get to know each other better in a more relaxed setting which seemed like the best course of action, and she made it clear she liked me a lot.


Turns out it was all a load of bollocks overall as didn’t hear from her for a week initially as she needed space, which is fine and all but I’d suggested that but she’d not wanted that as wanted to stay friends, so that was load of bullshit number one. The next was that within a couple of weeks she’d started seeing someone new, so she clearly didn’t like me as much as she’d led me to believe. To be fair I was fine with it, we’d had a conversation about where we stood for the most part and I’m not so petty as to begrudge someone finding some happiness. I could’ve done without finding out through her posting it all over social media though, a heads up might have been nice but hey hindsight is a fucking amazing thing. Anyway we’ve stayed civil with each other but I don’t think we’ll be the friends she wanted us to be, which in the grand scheme of things is totally fine.


Overall it was a bloody weird experience, on the positive side I took a chance and had a couple of dates which is a huge deal for me. As a bonus while it didn’t pan out how I’d have liked at least I’m sound in the knowledge that I did nothing wrong. And actually after my previous relationship experience for me to walk away when I did felt like a big deal as historically I’d have stuck with it and tried to justify the insanity to myself which would have been toxic. The flip side of it is that while part of me knows we’d have never worked out a part of me (that’s a fucking cretin) is worried that I’ll never have anyone be interested in me again. This is the definite disadvantage of being an over thinker, something works out one way and you know it’s for the best but at the same time you’re second guessing yourself which is infuriating. In spite of that though I know that I’d rather be single and happy (or at least working on it) than in a relationship that makes me miserable. Always reassuring to know that it’s taken 35 odd years for that lesson to sink in but it is what it is. Better to learn it eventually than to never learn it.


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