The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same

It’s been an odd few months since March. I finally got myself a new job, which has been pretty awesome as it’s been the job i’ve essentially been waiting on for the past couple of years. It’s working with a really good team who I get on well with and generally have a laugh with and based on feedback I’m doing reasonably decently which is always nice. 

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I’ve also been doing more writing for my friends gaming website which has been a nice outlet and it’s been fun writing about things that interest me. I’d definitely say being interested in what you’re writing about. I’ve been slacking on the personal blog front though which has been a little bit shit, and kind of follows on from writing about what you’re interested in and I’m not always that interested in myself.

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Which leads me neatly on to the purpose of this blog, for all the progress I’ve made on some levels of my life other aspects continue to elude me. This is either due to my own idiot brain or due to my seeming inability to pay attention when my body is telling me things. I’m the dickhead that once worked through a chest infection saying was a cold in spite of my manager at the time nagging me to go to the doctor.

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Last year I burnt myself out with work, there was a huge project that loads of people were working on and I was given the opportunity to contribute. I did a shitload of overtime and didn’t take much time off, to the point where come November I had about 4 weeks of holiday still to book which given I had about 5 and a half in April gives you some idea of how little time off I’d had.

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I swore to myself that I’d take better care of myself this year in terms of not focussing as heavily on work and taking more time for myself, and to try and be a little healthier. This has sort of come to pass though also not really as demonstrated by the fact that I’ve been feeling run down in the last few weeks to the point where I’ve decided to take a week off work to just chill and veg out.

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I always know when I’m getting rundown as I start to get shitloads of ulcers in my mouth and occasionally my throat (which is pretty bloody unpleasant) which has definitely happened. This time has been slightly different though as I’ve also gotten incredibly spotty. I get spots from time to time but not with this regularity or concentration, which has been fun as I’ve been feeling a little low about my appearance anyway.

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The self consciousness was essentially brought about by an absolute awful photo a friend took of me after we’d crashed at a mutual friends house. Frankly it may be the worse picture of me I’ve ever seen, I look really fat and bloated in it which understandably hasn’t exactly been great for my self confidence, I’m hopeful of using it as the kick up the arse I need to actually start doing some regular exercise though.

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This is where the issues of the exhausting and self consciousness have hit though, I’ve been snappier with friends than I normally am, and because I don’t feel great about myself I’ve also avoided social interaction with certain friends as I’m at a point where I say something as a joke and it sounds like I mean it in the most offensive terms possible. It’s almost like I turn into the biggest prick in the world even though what I’m saying isn’t any different to usual, it’s just the tone makes everything sound far harsher than it’s meant.

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The other thing that’s been odd is that I’ve been over sensitive, which is fucking weird as I’m usually incredibly difficult to offend. I work on the policy of I can’t mock other people unless I can take being mocked and it’s a sound policy. But The last couple of weeks I’ve taken umbrage at things people have said to me when normally I wouldn’t even give these things a second thought.

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All in all I needed a break so I booked a week off work to chill out a little. The basic plan for this week is to build the Lego Voltron I now own, play some computer games and do some reading. I’m also aiming to get some more of my latest tattoo done as that’s coming along pretty nicely an hopefully should only need a couple more sessions doing to be completely finished.

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The good thing about the initial couple of days of the break so far has been that I’ve made a point of having an extra hour or so in bed of sleep and it’s helped make me feel a lot more normal than I’ve been feeling of late which has been pleasant. This also shows that a little bit of effort in looking after myself occasionally is probably a worth while endeavour.

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I also have holidays booked for September and December which gives me something to look forward to. September is a trip to Lisbon which will be cool as I’ve never been and I’m attending the wedding of a real good friend and then December is a long weekend in Tenerife with my best friends for an all inclusive trip which will no doubt be a  shit load of doing nothing and a few cheeky drinks.

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I guess on the plus side at least I’m actually taking the time so there’s that at least, I think I also need to make some other changes at some point so that I’m not sitting around with my own thoughts a lot of the time as no good really comes from that. At least there are signs that I’m learning lessons even if it takes a shit load of time. I guess it’s just a question of making sure I don’t regress into bad habits of running myself into the ground.

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