Time to discuss more films I’ve seen as I’m going to the cinema a bit more often so far this year. There’s a load of stuff on streaming that I need to get to at some point but I’m at least watching alot of the new stuff coming out on the big screen though there’s obviously a caveat there about seeing stuff that isn’t always reviewed great to try and make my own mind up.
Moonfall – Let’s be real, at this point you can be broadly certain of how a disaster film by Roland Emmerich is going to wind up being, that is to say absolutely batshit and generally falling into the entertainingly bad category. It feels like with this one, where the moon is falling and on a collision course with the Earth might be his most ridiculous premise yet, especially as aliens seem to be a factor too based on the trailer, and if I’m being honest it’s hard to see where he goes from here as it’s difficult to see a bigger threat than the moon hitting the planet. I will say I had adjusted my expectations suitably going in and I had a good time with it even if it’s a preposterous load of bollocks, but there’s so many things it just gets completely wrong in film making terms. Patrick Wilson is a solid main character but he’s given such a cliched back story at the start of the film to explain why he’s a pariah with his family and with NASA that it’s borderline insulting, he’s engaging enough that you can just about get past that but Christ does it always have to be the case to have a character have to deal with this sort of shite at this point. John Bradley is fun as the comic relief but again he’s a stereotype, though at least as comic relief he’s not the butt of the jokes so that.s something. The film is hugely CGI heavy which often gets very messy when the disaster porn ramps up and the fact that the trailer uses Bad Money Rising as the backing music but it’s not in the film feels like a missed opportunity. The film also endeavours to waste actors of the caliber of Michael Pena and Donald Sutherland, the latter of which is literally in the film for about 2 minutes and the role is completely throwaway. It also falls in to the Emmerich trap where it follows 2 groups of characters separately and you only really care about what’s happening with one of those, in this case the space bound part of the story is far more interesting than the Earth based portion which is a shame. In terms of what it does well Halle Berry is very good in her role, it’s honestly great to see her getting more roles again and she and Wilson play very well of each other, in spite of the excessive CGI there’s some genuinely impressive shots in there, some of the more understated moments like the shuttle first hitting space in particular look great and the whole thing manages to stay entertaining throughout despite the clearly batshit premise. I think the story was always going to be problematic as there’s not really a way to ground something as ludicrous as the moon on a collision course with the planet coupled with the existence of some sort of alien antagonist, it actually manages to get more batshit with some of the reveals later in the film too and it somehow leaves room for a sequel you’d have to assume will never get made. In truth the cast do their absolute best with the material but there’s no escaping the fact that ultimately you can’t polish a turd, just make it an entertaining train wreck.

Jackass Forever – Full disclosure I’ve never been a fan of Jackass, I’m not opposed to it but it’s just always been one of those things that I’ve never really gotten into. I’ve watched the previous films when someone has put them on largely for drunken background noise while doing something else. They’re not films in the conventional sense as there’s no real plot and it’s just a bunch of guys doing stupid shit to themselves and each other, and while I’ve found some stuff amusing historically, generally I’ve just thought it’s all a bit pointless. That being said some of the guys involved have somehow managed to actually make me give a shit about them, I have a soft spot Johnny Knoxville, Steve O and Chris Pontius, though equally I also detest some of them like Bam Margera. Bam isn’t in this latest film owing to a seeming breakdown in his relationship with some of the other guys due to his personal demons, I can’t stay I was sad about this as I’ve always thought he comes across as a cock but hopefully he’ll sort himself out in time. In terms of the film it’s largely great seeing most of the guys back together as they all still play off each other really well, they largely take less risks in this outside some of the bigger stuff Knoxville does, Pontius in particular doesn’t take many risks outside of a snapping turtle to the wang which I can’t imagine was much fun. There’s a distinct focus on cock based trauma as Steve O has bees all over his junk at one point which naturally leads to stinging which can’t be much fun, Dave England (who is probably the MVP throughout the film) also does a cup challenge which is basically involves him taking a hockey puck and softball at full pelt to the dick and also being punched by a heavyweight MMA fighter, it’s bloody brutal. What I didn’t really like so much are the newer guys, they’re clearly massive fans of the whole Jackass thing but the fact that they’re clearly so happy to be there and go along with things where had the entertainment for me was the realisation of the originals that mistakes had been made, it’s all well intentioned but it definitely takes something away. It’s also a bit hard to watch some of the stunts, especially one with Knoxville where you know he got pretty severely hurt and there’s. It basically confirmed to me that Jackass will probably never be something I’m fully invested in and film wise it’s a bit shit given it’s just a glorified TV episode but it’s not the worst film I’ve seen this year and my mate loved it and I’ve dragged him to some absolute shit in the past so ultimately it’s not the end of the world.

Death on the Nile – Kenneth Branagh has the shittest luck (or very questionable taste in leading men), Murder on the Orient Express was released around the time Johnny Depp was subject of a domestic violence scandal which hasn’t gone away and with this sequel having been delayed due to the pandemic the new release date coincided with a number of accusations being levelled again one of the main stars Armie Hammer and while I’m not up to speed on the details of the full extent of it all what I have read is pretty horrific and he’s been kept very far away from the media rounds for the film which is probably sensible. As such it’s a very weird experience to watch a film where it’s impossible to warm to a character for a reason outside the scope of the film, you’d hope to christ this sort of thing is going to go away bloody quickly but sadly that’s probably not going to be the case. Back to the film, it’s difficult to discuss the plot too heavily as the mystery is very much the key to the film, needless to say it follows Hercule Poirot solving a murder on a boat on the Nile, it’s got me interested in reading the Poirot books as I’ve become conscious that I basically have no basis of knowledge of the character outside of these films and from speaking to a friend there are a fair few elements that have been changed. What I can say is that I do enjoy Kenneth Branagh’s portrayal of the character, I think he’s possibly played a little too comedically but I have no frame of reference there so it could be bang on in relation to the books, he’s always engaging. In terms of the rest of the supporting cast you’ve got people like Gal Gadot, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Annette Bening, Russell Brand and various others, across the board there are solid performances though there are some people like Rose Leslie who are very good but feel a little wasted but I think that’s sometimes a risk with an ensemble cast. Some of the special effects are a little ropey in places but it still manages to be visually impressive as Branagh has an eye for an easy on the eye shot, and he definitely makes the most of the Egypt setting too. Overall it’s a really solid film that’s hugely overshadowed by a controversy that the filmmakers had no control over, I’m not sure whether Hammer had a reputation prior to everything that has subsequently come out but I’d be very surprised to see him in a high profile film ever again, as it is him being in the film adds a layer of discomfort to watching it. It’ll be interesting to see how the film performs overall as it’s been reviewed reasonably well as far as I can tell, I rather suspect there may not be a further sequel this time though.

Uncharted – Video game adaptations are typically shit, either unsuitable games are chosen for films, the source material is broadly ignored or a film will try and cram in elements that might work within the game that don’t so much in a film given that they’re different experiences. Uncharted was always one that felt like it should work as a film with no real issues, you’ve got a wise cracking Indiana Jones-esque hero in Nathan Drake and a grizzled mentor with a heart of gold in Victor Sullivan, plus the games are hugely cinematic anyway with some outstanding action set pieces so there’s a lot to draw from. It’s then a shame that the actual film turns out to be just a lazily made, generic action film, you have continuity gaps such 2 characters being fully submerged in water and then in the next scene you have one who still has wet hair and the other has perfectly dry hair and this happens more than once and is incredibly noticeable everytime, you also have huge gaps in logic like a part where Drake sends the bad guys to a different location to the one where everyone actually needs to go but then pops past said area in a boat so that the bad guys see him on the way and then track him to the actual location which is just idiotic and really hurts the image of Drake as being clever which they try to go for multiple times so it’s frustrating that he does something so stupid even gif you basically know it’s a plot device to ensure there’s some conflict in the final part of the film. Casting wise it’s bit of a mixed bag Tom Holland in theory should be good a young Drake and he does show signs of growing into the role as the film progresses but there’s a feeling he’s just being Peter Parker, especially early on, though at least the character is broadly recognisable in relation to the Nathan Drake of the games so there’s hope there for any potential sequels. Antonio Banderas and Tati Gabrielle are both solid as the villains of the film but are disappointingly one dimensional, Sophia Ali is great as Chloe Frazier who helps Drake and Sully over the course of the film. In terms of Mark Wahlberg you essentially know he’s going to be playing the same character in every film more or less, as such it feels massively out of place in this film and that’s not helped by the fact that they’ve changed the character of Sully so that he’s a backstabbing arsehole who is only out for himself which is the thing they get most wrong and it really harms the film. There’s some great action sequences, the plane one in particular which is lifted from the games is great and the final sequence on the old ships is alot of fun too, it’s just a shame that everything that links it all together is so disjointed. That said there is potential there for any future sequel so hopefully if one does happen they learn some lessons from this so that a better film is made.

Studio 666 – This is one of those random films which I didn’t know existed up until seeing a trailer a few weeks before it released, it’s a comedy horror film that stars the Foo Fighters which sounds insane. Obviously they aren’t actors so there was an expectation that it might not be great but the trailer made it look damn good fun if nothing else and it’s pretty impossible not to like Dave Grohl at this stage as he just seems to be a top bloke. As it stands he’s comfortably the best thing in it, the talented bastard, it genuinely feels like he can do anything he decides he wants to do and do it well. The rest of the band are solid and I think lean into the fact they’re not actors and it just feels like they’re bantering with each other for the most part such is the easy going way they play off each other. The other advantage of leaning into the comedy is that you can get away with things that a more traditional horror might not, there’s some definite less than stellar CGI on offer here but because it’s not playing it entirely seriously it’s much more easy to let it go and just enjoy it for what it is, and you also just nod and smile at some of the more silly bits. ~The ending is a prime example of this, it probably keeps going longer than it needs to and doesn’t seem sure on how to end which combined with the sheer ludicrousness does weaken the film a little but again it’s amusing and the film isn’t too long overall so it just about manages not to overstay its welcome. The non band cast are all solid even though they’re not in it too much, the band naturally being the main focus of the film, there are some fun cameos though which are well done.Plot wise it’s essentially band go to a murder house to record a new album, not knowing past of said house and unpleasant shenanigans ensue. It’s fairly run of the mill in terms of what you’re used to in a horror film but tonally it feels like a creepier Evil Dead 2 type, there’s definitely some slapstick stuff in there and the gore and violence can be a little cartoony in places but it doe a fantastic job at building tension ,there are points where you’re just dreading a jump scare and points where a jump scare came out of nowhere. This is the sort of film where having a cinema card is a huge advantage, it’s one where you make a judgement call based on the trailer and just take the risk on it not being completely dogshit, thankfully in this case it was a gamble worth taking though I think it’ll be the last horror film for a while at least.

The Batman – A new Batman film is always going to be a must see for me, he’s probably the comic book character I’m the most familiar with at this points so it’s always interesting to see what a director is going to do to stamp their own mark on things. I’m going to avoid going into the plot as it’s broadly typical super hero stuff, it’s everything else that makes it distinctive so I thought I’d go over what I liked and disliked about the film while trying to avoid giving too much away as it’s definitely a film that’s worth experiencing fresh if at all possible. The 3 hour run time is on the face of it prohibitive and by the end it definitely feels its run time as the last hour feels like it potentially could have been scaled back a bit, that being said for the vast majority of it the run time feels quite brisk as it’s well paced and uses the run time to build atmosphere, which is done incredibly effectively. Some characters are underserved to a certain extent, Alfred in particular and Jim Gordon and Penguin to lesser extents but that does come with the caveat that you’d expect them to get more focus in any sequels. I think that’s sort of the key to the film, there’s a definite sense that it’s building something, while I don’t necessarily agree with the last third there’s a definite sense that it’s being done with one eye on setting Gotham up with a new status quo to be used in the future. The cast is phenomenal, Andy Serkis, Jeffrey Wright, John Turturro and Peter Sarsgaard are all excellent though I do wish they’d gotten more screen time. Paul Dano is skin crawling as a very different take on the Riddler than has been seen to date and Zoe Kravitz is a really good Catwoman who gets some decent emotional beats to work with and nails them. Obviously the key to the film is Robert Pattinson as Batman and I personally thought he was great it’s a different take on Batman in that he’s seemingly lost himself in his mission and as a result really doesn’t spend much time as Bruce Wayne, to the point where it almost feels like an origin story of sorts for Wayne rather than Batman which is a really interesting dynamic for me. Soundtrack and cinematography both contributed hugely to what is a hugely atmospheric film, as a result Gotham City feels like a very distinct location and pretty different to other interpretations which was surprising and honestly any film that finds a place for a Nirvana song on the soundtrack is doing alright in my books. The action sequences are very good, the car chase in particular is a highlight, and it’s fun getting to see more of a focus on the detective element of the character. There were design choices for the Batsuit and Batmobile that I wasn’t sold on but seeing them in action and in context they work far better than I initially anticipated, in fact that’s sums things up nicely – I expected it to be good but to not like artistic choices that were made and that ended up not being the case, I appreciated that the choices set the film apart and allowed it to be its own beast and I honestly loved the tone and can’t wait to see how they progress things in the next film.

The Adam Project – I was onboard with this the minute I found out it had Ryan Reynolds and Mark Ruffalo in it, I didn’t even know what type of film it was at that point, though I will say the fact it was a Netflix film made me lower my expectations, I was expecting it to be a fun but throwaway film, something that was largely cemented when I found out it was a time travel film. As it happens it’s more than just a time travel film, it’s a bit of a Frankenstein’s monster as there’s science fiction, action, family drama and a love story smashed together, and on paper it shouldn’t work but it really clicked for me. It’s got a fantastic cast, joining Reynolds and Ruffalo are Zoe Saldana, Jennifer Garner and Catherine Keener though the standout is probably Walker Scobell as the younger version of of Reynolds’ character Adam, he and Reynolds bantering off each other is a definite highlight. There’s some pretty glaring issues, the sci fi elements have really generic designs which is a shame, the special effects are occasionally solid but inconsistent and the de-aging used on Keener’s character looks pretty ropey even if they try to disguise it somewhat by using camera angles. Garner and Saldana realistically aren’t in it enough but by Christ what there is of them is used amazingly, they both make a significant impact and there’s an interaction between Reynolds and garner that’s easily one of my favourite moments in the film. Ruffalo brings his usual charm and warmth to his role as the father of Adam, who is essentially responsible for creating the time travel that makes the events of the film possible and Reynolds broadly gets to do his schtick though what’s nice here is that he gets to go beyond that as there’s some complexity to his character where the quips aren’t just all he has going on and his interactions with his younger self as well as the other characters are what gives the film some emotional heft and honestly it’s nice to see even if it’s more of a tweak of the usual formula. Time travel is the usual nonsense though it seems to know this and approach it with tongue very much in cheek which is helpful and seems to at least try to be consistent though time travel will always make this difficult, it certainly wasn’t as seemingly convoluted as some attempts I’ve seen so there’s that. Overall it was a pleasant surprise, I think it benefitted hugely from making the emotional core of the film the main focus though part of me does wish that there’d been more for some of the characters but considering what I was expecting going in this is a small niggle. I’d say it’s the best Netflix film I’ve seen thus far and though that could very much come across as damning with faint praise where I honestly really enjoyed this.

Phantom of the Open – The blessing of having a cinema card is that you can basically go and see any films that look interesting without worrying too much about it, this was one that I’d never heard of prior to seeing the trailer for it, I also had never heard of the truth story that it was based on. It’s the story of Maurice Flitcroft, a man with no prior golf experience who decides to enter the qualifying for the British open and proceeds to shoot the worst round in the history of the tournament, so bad was the score that he was subsequently banned so to get round this he took to disguising himself and adopting a fake name in order to play. Mark Rylance plays Flitcroft and is as solid as he generally seems to be in the films I’ve seen him in to date, Rhys Ifans plays the golfing bigwig that bans him, the rest of the cast I’m not really familiar with but are all decent and the standout for me was Sally Hawkins as Flitcroft’s wife Jean who I think is the emotional core of the film. There are some odd choices with the film, the chief of which is that there are some dream sequence type things which seem weirdly out of place as they add a surreal aspect which doesn’t really go anywhere given that they’re not massively present. I also think that the film didn’t use the fake golfer element to the story to the fullest extent as given some of the fake names he apparently used it does feel like there was more scope to focus on that and play into the comedy much more than it does, to the point where it actually feels like a bit of a wasted opportunity which is a shame as the comedy is done well and I laughed a fair few times, there’s some fun one liners too which often raise a smirk. It instead focusses much more on the family element of things and Flitcroft’s relationship with his wife and kids, this is all very well done though it does possibly wind up being a bit too twee for my tastes though it tells a really sweet story and Rylance and Hawkins play off each other really well and very much have you wanting a happy ending. I particularly enjoyed the end credits as it shows videos of the real Flitcroft which acts a nice little bookend to the film. Overall it’s not a film I’d have likely paid to see but it was good natured, easy going fun and was definitely a feel good film.

Ambulance – This is another one that was largely picked due to the cinema card and the fact that there wasn’t much else on at the cinema at the time it’s also the latest Michael Bay film so one I approached with caution, given that in recent times his output has been of a questionable quality. The fact that it’s got Jake Gyllenhaal and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II piqued my interest though as they’re both generally very good in the things I’ve seen them in, in this they’re brothers, one a bank robber and one a veteran struggling to make ends meet and provide for his family so is roped into helping with a robbery. Naturally the robbery goes bad and they have to get away an in doing so they steal an ambulance which has a paramedic, played by Eiza Gonzalez, who is trying to keep an injured policeman alive during all of this. Given my trepidation given the directors more recent films I went into this with what I thought were appropriate expectations, turns out I was wrong and I found it to be worse than I was expecting. The first thing that strikes you is how incompetent everyone seems to be, Danny’s (Gyllenhaal) crew are seemingly new in town and fuck up very quickly which devolves into a shit show with the police who despite being seemingly a team for this exact situation don’t seem to know what they’re doing and then a criminal gang factors into proceedings later on and they’re as utterly useless as everyone else. The editing is a little more restrained than usual for Bay, though he seems to want to make the most of using a drone for filming with some of the shots which is a little off putting, he also scales back the disaster porn significantly though there is still plenty of vehicular carnage if that’s your thing. The run time is over 2 hours and that definitely feels like it could have been trimmed for a more focussed film as it definitely feels like there’s stuff that could have been cut out. There are some positives, Gonzalez and Abdul-Mateen II are both engaging and ground the film to an extent, Gyllenhaal does his best and is alot of fun but he’s badly served by a script that has his character wind up being massively inconsistent and honestly it’s nice to see Garret Dillahunt on screen as the police captain. I genuinely think it’s one of the worst films I’ve seen this year and it’s made so much worse by the self fellatio Bay is partaking in with this where there’s parts where he references some of his older films and actually quotes The Rock at one point. I don’t think I’ve sighed so much during a film as I say I really wasn’t expecting much but fucking hell.

Morbius – The latest film from Sony’s Spiderman universe that they’re seemingly trying to build, this one has had something of a troubled production as it’s been delayed something like 7 times at this point and also apparently underwent extensive re-shoots, which is presumably pretty accurate given that some things from the trailers have changed dramatically and not in the typical way Marvel deliberately put fake stuff in there. It’s off the back of this and the fact that I’ve not been sold on the two Venom films that I was expecting this to be a bit of a shit show, especially given that Jared Leto is typically excellent or terrible in films with very little middle ground there in my opinion. Well turns out it’s not so much a shit show as an utter fucking train wreck, there are very few redeeming features at play here so there’s start with the positives, Jared Leto is very good as the main and only really defined character in the whole thing, the soundtrack is great and really adds some atmosphere to proceedings and Matt Smith seems to know what he’s starring in and hams it up to glorious effect, taking a very one note role and adding a sense of fun where there probably shouldn’t be and there’s one inventive set piece involving a corridor and motion activated lights. In terms of the negatives there’s a shit load, Adria Arjona, Jared Harris, Tyrese Gibson and Al Madrigal are all wasted in supporting roles and Michael Keaton essentially cameos where the trailers had given an indication he’d feature more. The special effects are embarrassing for a super hero film at this point in time, the “smoke” effects when Morbius is using his powers are ridiculous and the the final 10 minutes or so are essentially such a mess that’s it’s difficult to tell what’s going on at times, to the point where it may be worse than the final battle in the non MCU Hulk film which is pretty terrible. There’s some truly shocking continuity issues on display, possibly the worst being that Harris’ character appears to be the exact same age in modern day and flashbacks despite there being twenty or thirty year gap between them. It feels very much like a bit of a Frankenstein’s monster of a film, it genuinely feels like it’s been randomly pieced together at times and some of the editing is horrific, the use of slow motion is woeful, with some sequences jumping from slow mo to normal speed multiple times which is just terrible. Add to all this that the post credit scenes are utter bollocks and make no sense whatever and you’ve got one of the worst comic movies ever made in my opinion, just shockingly shit to the point where Sony should really be re-evaluating their game plan for their live action Spiderman universe.

There was alot of disappointments on this one, we’re moving into the summer type season soon though where alot of the big films for the year tend to be released so hopefully the next piece should be alot less moaning from me.